A "good" Uncle

"So… you're an uncle now" is what most people say, almost immediately after I tell them that my sister recently had a baby. "You're going to make such a great uncle" I've actually had a few people say. As if I suddenly remind them of other great uncles they know.

I find myself trying to think of what these great uncles must be like, and if they're anything like my own uncles.

I have a total of four uncles myself. On my moms side there is Uncle Jerry, Uncle Steve, and Uncle Dave. On my Dads side there's Uncle John.

Here's what I can recall about them at this very moment:

My Uncle Jerry lives in northern Illinois somewhere, with his wife. I think he works as a manager or something. He likes to make ladder golf games and sell them on ebay, at least he did 5 years ago at the last family picnic I attended. He has a daughter, my cousin Beth who I know very little about and who has a child whose name I don't know and whose face I've never seen.

Jerry is a funny guy, and of my four Uncles is probably the one whose face and mannerisms I can recall most easily. He likes to drink beer, and at family events would be the first to crack one open, and the first to be recognizably drunk. When he drinks he also likes to thicken up his chicago accent, which quickly morphs into chicago mobster after about 3 or 4 beers. I can't recall ever being at his house.

My Uncle Steve lives in Wisconsin, near Green-bay, and is himself a huge Green Bay Packers fan ( at least I'm assuming he is. ) He has a son, Michael, who is married. I'm not sure what Steve does for a living either, but I think he manages a store or a factory or something. I remember visiting their house once when our family was moving from Alaska to Michigan. I was 13 then. I know that him and his wife like camping and have or had a really nice camper. Camping was the last time I saw Steve, in Wisconsin, about 10 years ago.

My Uncle Dave I know the least on my moms side, and he was the most intriguing. For some reason he just appeared the most held together. This is probably due to the fact that he was the quietest of the three at any family event. I don't know what he does for a living, and I've never been to his home. At this very moment I can't even recall if he has any kids and who they are. oh wait. He has a daughter. Bethany. Bethany also has a daughter who's name I don't know and who I've never seen. I last saw Dave at my grandmothers funeral. He said some very touching words, and cried. I know that they all had a pretty rough childhood.

On my dads side I have Uncle John. 

I'm going to assume that I've actually seen my uncle john 4 or 5 times in my life, but of those times I only have real memory of 2. Once when we moved from Alaska to Michigan, stopping for a visit. And once at his daughter Andreas wedding.  Andrea, I've also only seen a few times in my life, although she and her family live in Chicago which was only an hour or so from my home in Michigan. I know that uncle John was a very successful business man. Him and his family have a huge house with a pool and live a very good, wealthy life. I think he recently had a heart-attack though and almost died.

I'm sure that if any of my Uncles read this they would be surprised by my lack of knowledge about them. Of course, most people wrongly assume others know more about them they do. I'm also certain that, questioned at this very moment, they would also have a great deal of trouble recalling details about me. I can say for a fact that not a single one of them, at this moment, knows exactly where I live, and what I'm doing here. My own sister probably doesn't know. 

Out of curiosity I typed "a good uncle" into google. The first in the list was "How to be a good Uncle" by eHow.com. Here's what they said:

1. Act as a mentor.

2. Involve yourself in their lives

3. Encourage open communication

4. Play the role of family historian

5. Expose them to new experiences

6. Offer to babysit

I've never received any letters, post cards, or phone calls from my uncles. I don't recall ever receiving any birthday gifts, or christmas presents directly from any of them, individually to me. None of them has ever shared a family story with me, or exposed me to anything new.

So….were my Uncles "good" Uncles?

I can honestly say that I never thought of them as being "bad" Uncles. In fact I never thought about judging them in the first place, until the idea of a "good" uncle was presented to me.

To be fair, I've also never sent any of my Uncles any letters or gifts. I've never called them or visited them personally. I've never asked them to share anything about their family or asked them to share a story with me. I'm sure they have some good ones too.

Maybe I'm just a bad nephew.

The thing is, good or bad, I wasn't raised to care that much. I wasn't imbued with the burden of being overly concerned with wether I was being a good family member toward other family members or not. And I don't think they were either.

I'm an Uncle now, thats a fact. 

I hope that someday Talyia at least finds my life as an entertainment; that I  can act as some sort of interesting element. In the future, I know I can offer some interesting new experiences. I'm willing to play historian, even if my facts are ill checked. I'm open to the communication. I'm open to involvement. I'm open to being a "good" uncle.